Down
by WP
Summary: Alternative ending to Tabula Rasa


Alternative Tabula Rasa ending. Let me know what you think. I may have babbled a bit.  
  
Down  
  
+--The drops of rain they fall all over  
  
This awkward silence makes me crazy  
  
The glow inside burns light upon her  
  
I'll try to kiss you if you let me  
  
(this can't be the end)--+  
  
Willow dragged herself off of the cool bathroom floor and scrambled down the stairs. She couldn't let this happen. She pulled open the front door and ran to the sidewalk where the person she needed to get to was about to drive off in a cab. She held the passenger door to ensure Tara couldn't close it and drive off.   
  
"Don't." She pleaded.  
  
Tara looked up to the distraught face of Willow. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy and the heavy rain pounding down on her had soaked her through. It made the impossible happen: It made the blonde's heart break just a little more.   
  
She found herself just sitting there, completely mute. This is what she'd been so afraid of yet wanted so much. If Willow came after her, it meant she loved her. Really loved her but Tara had to leave and this just made it even harder.  
  
The cab driver interrupted her thoughts, "Do you want to go?" He asked sympathetically.   
  
Tara once again couldn't find her voice. Of course she didn't want to go but did she have a choice?   
  
He sighed, "I can wait right here if you want. No extra charge."  
  
Willow looked desperately between Tara and the cab driver. "Please don't leave me. Not like this." Willow tried again.  
  
"I can't be with you." She whispered barely loud enough for Willow to hear.   
  
"You can. You're meant to be. Please Tara, I love you so much, I don't know how to live without you." She admitted tearfully.   
  
Tara was fighting back sobs as she sat in the cab, confused and hurting.   
  
"I don't want to butt in but why don't you talk? If you still want to leave call the company and ask for Andy and I'll be right back to get you."  
  
Tara done her best to give him a thank you smile but was sure she failed miserably. She got out of the cab and took her bag with her. "T-thank you." She said to Andy before she stepped out of the cab and closed the door.   
  
Both quickly walked towards the house but Willow stopped once they were on the porch. She stood face to face with Tara and found herself unable to resist the urge to try and kiss her.   
  
Tara saw what was happening but couldn't pull away until the last moment when Willow's soft lips just grazed her own and she felt that buzz, the electricity that seemed to flow between them when they touched.   
  
She made sure to step well back from the red head. "I-I'll talk to you. N-nothing more." She warned.  
  
Willow's heart sank. "I'm sorry." She said hanging her head in shame before leading the way inside; one thought on her mind, 'This can't be the end'.  
  
+--Tidal waves they rip right through me  
  
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad  
  
Pick me up now, I need you so bad--+  
  
Tara put her bag down at the door and tried to steady her self-will. She had to be strong and not let her feelings get the better of her judgement.   
  
When she entered the living room where Willow stood she noticed the red head was shivering badly. She was drenched right through.   
  
"Y-you should g-go get changed." She said to Willow who finally turned round.   
  
She wanted to say no, that she wasn't leaving the room until they were fixed but right then, she was trembling due to the cold and wet not to mention her absolute terror and shock of the situation she was in.  
  
She managed to give Tara a small nod before making her way upstairs and to her bedroom. It looked so empty and Tara hadn't even left yet. She tried to take a calming breath but all that happened was a very shaky air release that had no effect on her current state.  
  
She quickly grabbed a towel, some dry jeans and a woolly top and quickly changed. She couldn't stop picturing Tara walking out on her. Or the look in her eyes when she realised just what a monster Willow was.   
  
It didn't take long until she couldn't take her failures anymore and her knees gave out. She lay on the hard floor and silently sobbed, unable to move or think. Everything hurt too much. She had screwed up royally and she didn't deserve another chance at her life.   
  
**********  
  
Tara fidgeted in the living room as she waited for Willow. After a while she started to get worried, it was taking her too long to get changed. She made the decision to go upstairs.   
  
When she entered her now old bedroom she was met with a broken down Willow on the floor. At first she was frozen in place, terrified that Willow had done something… stupid. But she soon noticed that Willow's body shook with silent sobs. She knelt down next to her small form and hesitantly touched her shoulder.  
  
Willow jumped at the touch and found Tara staring at her with pity and sadness. She quickly tried to wipe her eyes but it was too late, her face was shining with shed tears.  
  
Tara tried to ease Willow's embarrassment by passing her a tissue. Her eyes were so different in such a short time. They swam with pain and fear. But there was something else. She looked old, tired. She wasn't Willow.  
  
"I didn't think you'd come back in. I didn't plan this far ahead." She said apologetically.   
  
Tara admitted, "I didn't think you'd come after me."  
  
+--Your vows of silence fall all over  
  
The look in your eyes makes me crazy  
  
I feel the darkness break upon her  
  
I'll take you over if you let me  
  
(You did this)--+  
  
Willow once again found a lump rising in her throat. She tried to swallow it back but it wasn't working, it was just lodged there, waiting to be released.   
  
She wanted so much to just say something, anything but she was suffering from complete mental block. How could Tara, her soul mate, think she could give up on them so easily? She really had created such bad views by herself.   
  
When did she decide to waste her life? She had so much. She had a family she loved and she had some under lying wish to ruin it all. That was the only viable answer.   
  
Both women found themselves leaning against the bed. Tara ran a hand through her hair. She too had become silent. Words just couldn't express anything in that moment. When two people are in love and spend everyday together, something more than words takes over.  
  
Tara noticed the red head sigh quietly and lay her forehead against her knees. She stared until she saw nothing and her thoughts were all she was aware of.   
  
She loved that woman. She had since the first moment she saw her at the 'Wicca meeting'. She wished she could forget their problems. She wished that Willow's abuse of the magicks would disappear.   
  
They'd been through so much. Day to day life on the hellmouth, dealing with Willow's transition from guys to girls, coping with Joyce's death and Glory's reign of terror. Then the big one's, trying to live through Tara's temporary insanity, Buffy's death and becoming parents to Dawn.  
  
It'd been disaster after disaster and the only thing that kept them going, gave them hope was each other. How could they give that up? Tara couldn't get her head round it.   
  
Willow finally looked up, afraid Tara had left but instead found the blonde staring at her with intense blue eyes. As she looked further she realised Tara was looking right through her. Her heart broke as she watched a tear drop from her loves' eye. She unconsciously reached up her hand and gently wiped away the lone tear.   
  
At the touch, Tara came back to reality and as her eyes focussed she flinched away from Willow's warm hand.   
  
Willow felt like she'd just been sucker punched. She began breathing hard in an attempt to stop herself from bursting into tears. She had know idea how she was meant to react to Tara shunning her in a last ditch effort to rekindle their love. She felt sick. She climbed to her feet and ran from her room. She had no idea where she was going so she just ran.   
  
Tara watched a distraught Willow run from the house. She didn't even have time to register what the red head was doing before she was gone. Willow always had been a fast runner.   
  
The blonde ran her hands over her face and sighed. She had to go find Willow, it wasn't safe outside in her state of mind. She grabbed a jacket and quickly left the Summers house.   
  
**********  
  
Rain fell down, battering off of the witch. She'd been walking around for at least an hour, looking anywhere she could think of for Willow.   
  
She'd tried the park, the bridge where they'd sang, the espresso pump, the bronze, the magic box even the wreckage of Sunnydale high. She was nowhere to be found.   
  
Tara sat down on a bench on Main Street. She looked around helplessly, the place was deserted, everyone was safely tucked up at home with their loved ones, warm and safe. Tara was alone, scared for Willow, terrified more of actually finding her.   
  
She cut herself off and tried to think, where would she go? She couldn't think of anywhere else with any meaning. She decided to trust in their bond, it was the strongest thing she knew.   
  
Taking a deep breath she tried to focus. She concentrated on Willow, her red hair, her green eyes, her smell, her taste, everything about her. It was then she found her pain. She almost doubled over in shock. She wasn't far. Tara got up and took off in the direction of her soul mate.  
  
***********  
  
Willow Rosenburg sat on the bench at the carnival where Tara had been robbed of her sanity by Glory.   
  
She had her head buried in her knees in a feeble attempt to block out the world and wallow in her own sadness. She sobbed for Tara. She sobbed for herself.   
  
  
  
A hand gently brushed her shoulder making her look up. The optimist in her expected Tara. In reality she got one ugly looking vampire.   
  
He obviously expected her to scream, or run or show some kind of reaction; instead she just looked at him until he got rather unnerved.   
  
"Do you know what I am?" He asked.  
  
"Apart from an undead asshole?" She spat at him.   
  
He grinned, "Fighting talk. Now that's what I like in a meal."  
  
*************  
  
Tara didn't take long to notice that something wasn't right, the closer she got to the bench at the carousel, the more the truth hit her. The bench was broken, smashed down the middle.  
  
She started to scan the area and saw what she feared. Willow lying motionless on the ground a few feet from the bench. As she got closer she saw the blood from Willow's neck being constantly washed away by the rain.   
  
She felt her legs give up and she slid to a sitting position in the muddy wet grass. It'd happened, it'd really happened. She'd lost Willow to a vampire, to the one creature she had fought and beaten time after time. One thought ran through her mind, 'You did this.'  
  
+--Tidal waves they rip right through me  
  
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad  
  
Pick me up now, I need you so bad.--+  
  
The blonde sat completely still. She'd killed her. She'd driven her right into the hands of the enemy.   
  
She was overwhelmed as her stomach decided it couldn't take anymore and she threw up.   
  
The rain seemed to be falling harder and colder than before. She automatically thought, 'Willow must be freezing.' She got up and clumsily walked towards the body.  
  
She knelt down beside Willow and gently ran a hand over her hair. She carefully turned the red head over and tried to pull her in her arms. She needed to hold her, make her warm again. She never would be though. She'd never see the day Dawn went to high school or Xander had his own construction company. She'd never walk up with Willow at her side again.   
  
Tara finally cracked as Willow's death sunk in. She held Willow tighter and cried; her tears matching the rain drop for drop.  
  
"Ugh."  
  
Tara went silent and held her breath. Who made a noise?  
  
"Mmph."  
  
She wasn't imagining it. She pulled back to see Green eyes, confused but aware. Tara felt a huge wave of relief hit her. She moved the wet hair from Willow's face a gentle caressed her cheek, "A-are you o-ok?" She asked with her voice trembling.  
  
"I think so," She said quietly. She felt her neck and cringed as she touched the wound. It was throbbing. "He bit me." She said tearfully.   
  
"I know, baby." Tara said soothingly. "You're ok now." She promised without the hint of a stutter. She knew Willow needed her and in her grief she had forgotten their problems.   
  
Willow slid her arms around Tara's waist. "Don't let go." She begged.   
  
Tara could never refuse such a request. "I never could." And in those simple words she realised their truth. She never could let go of Willow. 


End file.
